Are you selfish? Do you honor yourself and live in your truth?

Do you find yourself saying “yes” to more things than “no”, saying “whatever you want to do, I’m easy”, vs. saying what you really want, saying “I don’t have to do my workout, I can help you”?  If you say “yes”. Well, I get you.  I have this giver/people pleaser mentality inside me, that makes it hard to put myself first.

When I was growing up, to be charitable and giving back to others was being a good person.  But when you continually give give give, you stop being selfish for yourself.  You stop giving to yourself, you stop honoring yourself.  

So, for the last 4 years, I’ve been working on being more selfish for myself and it has paid off.  I feel stronger physically and mentally.  I am doing things because I want to do it.  I’m getting better at confrontations then I used to be, I still don’t like it though.  I’m better at sharing my emotions and desires with others.  Although sometimes I still find myself going back to my old ways.  No one is perfect;)

Right now, I want you to first think about all the things that you’ve done for yourself in the last 2 days.  Then, write out all the things you’ve said “yes” to even though you’ve wanted to say “no”, all the time that you’ve said, “whatever you want, I’m easy” when you’ve really had an opinion, all the times you’ve gave your opinion, and all the times that you’ve sacrificed your time for others when you had planned your own self care time.  Now take a look at that list.  What patterns are you noticing?

A friend told me that once you hit your 30’s it gets even harder to break the habits that you’ve created.  So it takes HARD WORK, CONTINUOUS WORK, to change habits that don’t serve you, that don’t uplift you, that don’t treat you well, that don’t let you live your best life.  Because girl, you are going to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE.  

Start saying no, and verbalize your needs, instead of saying “I’m easy peasy with things” or “I don’t know, what do you want?”. If saying no is hard, start by saying no to things you agree with, to get comfortable with that word.  

You can still be a giver and still be “selfish” for yourself.   Balance is so that you won’t be tired or drained at the end of every day and turn into a zombie.  YOU are the most important person in your life.  If you cannot tend to your own needs, how can you attend to others with your full compassion and love?  If you continue to go down the path of putting yourself aside, your energy is going to turn into resentment, but resentment for what?  Not toward others but toward yourself, for not living in your own truth, for not tending to your own needs.  

The first step is the hardest.  Once you start doing things for yourself, expressing what your needs are, getting uncomfortable, expressing what you want to do or don’t want to do, you start living again.  Living like Daenerys, honoring yourself, your dreams, your passions and your life.    Remember, you have some ingrained habits that keep popping up, but those habits can change if you want them to change.  It all takes baby steps first.

So I’m asking you again, are you giving up your time for someone else?  Are you sacrificing the time that you can workout or go grocery shopping or make meals at home to help someone else?  If so, you got to stop now.  

Are you going to make time for yourself and be selfish?  I hope your answer is “YES AND YES” as you jump up and down.

Listen, there is a rise in obesity, stroke, heart disease, and diabetes.  One easy thing you can do to help yourself, is to move, is to schedule in your workout into your calendar, schedule time to walk during your lunch break, schedule to wake up 20 min early to walk outside, or do a quick workout, sign up for classes, do something that will hold you accountable, so that you will workout.  

One thing you can do for nutrition, is to find easy meals to make either from a website or get the recipe from a friend.  Carve out a few hours of your weekend to plan it all out, and get others involved to help you.  If you’ve been trying to lose weight, not only is your mindset key in all of this, 80% of seeing a physical change is all about your nutrition, it aint about your workout.  80% of you losing the lbs packed on from negative experiences, from not feeling good about yourself, from not being selfish for you, is all about what you eat and your mindset.  Making minimal changes will make such a difference in your life, such as eating more vegetables, and drinking more water.